I have been working very hard on my running. I ran my first 3.1 miles a couple weeks ago without stopping one time. I was proud. I wanted to keep going. With Lent coming up, I decided what I was going to give up, but I also wanted to add 10K training. So, I decided I would do speed work, short runs during the week and long runs on the weekend starting with 3.5 miles, then 4, 5 and so on until I got to 6.2. I have never been so determined and I NEVER thought I would run 3 miles, much less more than that. Last week I did 3.5 and felt AAAmmmmazing!!! I was so happy. I had planned to do that 2 weeks in a row, then up it. Well, this week I started thinking and my legs were itching, so I thought- why wait??? If I could do 3.5 surely I could do 4! I decided I would do it last night. Here's how it went:
I am not going to lie. I was tired. I yawned all the way home, but I wanted desperately to run. I wanted to feel that high again. So, I did a short Ab workout and then hit the treadmill. I started off pretty good. I gauge how far I go by counting songs ... I usually make a guesstimate and say 4 songs per mile, but it's usually less. So I started counting at 16 and ran. Now, note that I don't run fast- I run maybe a 12 minute mile. It's slow but I do it. I was chugging along. My treadmill is actually screwed up right now so I can't see how far I'm going all the time. Something is up with the heart rate thing and they are coming to fix it. Anyways, I didn't know how far in I was, which can be good. I guess I was down to song 5 and I started to feel bad. I had ran 11 songs long and had been struggling for a while. I kept talking to myself. I thought of all my MLFC friends. I did everything I could think of, but before I knew it I was hitting stop. Noooooooo! My chest hurt, my legs hurt, I felt sad. I said "oh hell no" and got back on and went.... I didn't want to give up. I slowed my pace, I tried. I stopped a few more times, not for long but I did. At .17 of a mile left I gave up and walked the rest. I couldn't do it. I know! I was so close! I wanted to cry. It was not a high! It was a horrible feeling. I wasn't even hungry for dinner but I ate... Then felt like puking. Then got a headache. Overall, it was a funky ass feeling! I am disappointed.
Am I giving up? NO. FREAKIN WAY!
Let tell you that I started C25K about a year ago. It was hard. I struggled with every increase in the minutes I spent running. It hurt. I felt sick. I walked a lot. I had ups and downs and emotions were crazy! I had to repeat some weeks. BUT eventually I made it... I finished it! I couldn't run for 1 1/2 minutes before or to the stop sign at the end of the street, but at the end I could run 30 minutes. Was it 3 miles? No! I kept going. I wasn't as dedicated as I feel now. I would get into it, then take a break, then back into it. I can do it now. I can run 3 miles. I have come a long way. I have struggled, just like everyone else. I can't give up. If I do I will always remember that last run as what "running" is. I don't want that. I will try again. I can do it. I have to.
Don't think you're alone in the struggle, you aren't! We all have struggles. The important thing is that we get up and keep going.