Quick update!

It's my BIRTHDAY! SHAKE MY BOOTY! haha! Actually, I am sick as a dog today. I have an ear infection and a sinus infection and was put on meds yesterday, which have still not officially "kicked in" yet, so I still feel like poo. I guess once you turn 30, you start to fall apart.. I am officially 31 and today I feel every bit of that age!

I have still been couting my macros. I have still been hitting my workouts hard, until yesterday. I did not workout yesterday and honestly do not think I will today either. I just don't feel good at ALL! I splurged over the weekend. I had a few drinks Friday night and Saturday night. Saturday I took a break from macros counting. I spent time with friends and family and just wanted to enjoy the day and celebrate my bday. Life happens sometimes. I never promised I would be perfect and I guarantee you I will never be when it comes to this. I enjoy food sometimes, I like a drink or too, and I realize that life is too short to stress over every single little thing. I stepped on the scale this morning and am still 155! BOOM! I have not made any progress, but I have not gained either. With everything going on with my birthday, friends and family in town, and being sick as heck, I am completely OK with that. I WILL GET THERE! Wherever there is. I don't want to search for the "end" of this. I want to enjoy every step of the journey. 

I feel even more pumped about that after watching Layne Norton's new video yesterday. Check it out!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3bBk6oneqc 

 If you haven't watched any of his other videos, make sure to watch them. He is truly inspiring and not just because he has an amazing physique but because he has a great attitude, philosophy, and honetly LOVES what he does. I encourage you all to find something you are passionate about. Enjoy every day. Don't worry about being a certain size, weight, or reaching a particular goal. Like I said, there is no "end" here. If you get to a certain weight, it is not going to bring you happiness. Life is a journey! It is meant to be enjoyed, every step of the way!

Can't remember the last time...

I can't remember the last time I weighed that! Since starting the IIFYM lifestyle, I have lost 5 lbs! It has taken me 2 months, but I did it. After being on a restricted, "clean eating", cookie cutter diet (or whatever you want to call it), my metabolism was probably as slow as a snail. It is horrible what that lifestyle can do to your body and I didn't even know it. Educate yourself before starting any plan! Our bodies need nutrients and those come in all forms- carbs, fats, and proteins. There is no reason to restrict ANY of those things from your diet (in my opinion anyways). There is no reason ANY food should be off limits. This works for me and it may not work for you. I am no expert, but I am simply sharing my experience. I have never been happier in my life. I workout hard, I lift weights, do minimal cardio and my body is changing. I am in a size that I haven't worn since high school. I eat what I want, as long as I can fit it in my macros. This past week I have had a cheeseburger, pop tarts, oatmeal, crawfish, ate out at a mexican restaraunt, had broccoli, and all kinds of other foods. There is BALANCE. I eat nutrient dense foods and then sometimes still have room for that cookie or french fries. I don't stress anymore. I am not feeling deprived. I am not worried if I eat something. I wake up every day excited to tackle the day. Is it easy? No way! I have to think about every single thing that goes in my mouth. I have to put it in My Fitness Pal. I have to count and plan. It all works out though and it is a great feeling when you hit those numbers for the day. It has taken time. I have had to be patient. My coach has changed my macros many times. She has worked to find the right combination so that my body would respond. I think she has found it! In the past week alone, I have dropped 3 lbs! I am so excited to continue this lifestyle! :) I am one happy girl!

Why I have been STUCK!

Yep, you read right- I have been stuck. Stuck between 157-158 for a while now. I know why. I know it's the weekend "oh well, its ok" eating. It's the FREEDOM of being able to eat what I want and getting carried away. I am not proud of some of the choices I have made, but I am ok with the fact that I have maintained my weight and am still losing inches. I have learned to not let the scale bother me, it is not the only way to show success. I almost have to replace everything in my closet including bras, bathing suits, shorts, pants, and even shirts because of the changes I am seeing. I am slowly learning that I have to stick to the plan; I have to hit my macros every day. I have to wake up each day with a good attitude, ready to do everything I can to make that day good. I have to power through my workouts, always challenging myself. I know I can do this. I have done much harder things. A couple of things I have realized as of late: 1. I can have anything I want, but I have to plan ahead. I have had to say no to going out a few times, because I simply didn't have it planned in my macros. Don't get me wrong- I go out to eat, I eat what I want, but sometimes I just simply don't have enough left in the day because eating out includes a lot more fat than you may realize. Look at Chili's menu for example- whoa! So, sometimes I will have to say no if my friends or family don't let me plan ahead. On a good note, if I do- I can usually get through the day and save a LOT of macros for that meal and get something I REALLY REALLY want! YUM! 2. Drinking is just not good for what I want to do with my life. Am I saying I will never drink again, HECK NO! I am sure I will have a drink here and there. After 3 months of not drinking a drop, I have gotten carried away a few times and it never turns out good. That is probably part of the reason I have been stuck. So, done with that and that is fine with me. I would much rather eat my calories than drink them anyways. 3. The IIFYM lifestyle and joining Team LP3 is the absolute best decision I have ever made in regards to my health and fitness, with exception of just beginning to care about it years ago. I love the flexibility. I love being able to incorporate my favorite foods. I love my coaches. I love my team. I love that this is a true LIFESTYLE that can be maintained. I love that they teach you. I love that they still help competitors prep and don't change the fact that you can use macros to do that- no tilapia or asparagus. 4. I actually believe I will get to where I want to be now. I don't think it is going to happen in a month or even two. I do know it WILL happen though. One of my coaches posted in our group yesterday and it was a comment that came from Layne Norton (who is the bomb.com by the way) and it was so true and real- it said: "If you think you are the only one who's ever had it tough, you are wrong. You are WRONG. If you have a passion, if you have a dream, if you have a goal, then at some point you've been crushed. You've wanted to quit. If it was easy everyone would do it. It's EASY to be motivated when everything is going well. CHAMPIONS find a way to stay motivated when everything goes to hell and nothing is going right. I wanted to quit my PhD. I failed over and over and over and over and OVER again. HUNDREDS OF TIMES. Some of you all will have no idea how many times I've failed and how badly I wanted to quit. But thankfully I didn't. I focused on the GRIND. Every single day. Did whatever it took every single day. And eventually, I made it out the other side. But my story is nothing. Success is a battle of attrition. If you really want something, do you think quitting is going to get you closer to it? No. Will quitting suddenly make you want your goal more? No. KEEP FIGHTING TEAMMATES! It's NOT easy. Changing your body starts with changing your lifestyle, your mentality, your soul, your drive, your work ethic, your discipline. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN IN TWO MONTHS. Yeah you may lose some weight, but you will not have an absolute new physique in two months. If you want that, go get on some unrealistic program that has you doing two hours of cardio a day on top of your one hour training session, eating only chicken, tilapia, asparagus, and almonds. That's no way to live, that's hell. Learn to enjoy the journey. Quit whining. It's hard. We all have to fight for it. I have cried, I have broken down when the changes seemed like they take FOREVER to come. BUT I HAVE NEVER QUIT and I certainly do not whine to ANYBODY about it. I pull myself up, I dig deeper, I look for ways I can improve and I do my best every day. Remember- ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! AMEN!!!! Have a great day people!

Size 6! BOOM!

You know that size that you never think you can fit in? Well, you can! I remember always having to buy a size bigger, creeping up to 10s, 12s... and hating every minute of it. I remember wanting to cry thinking about buying an even bigger size. It is crazy that we let numbers define us. We look at the number inside a pair of jeans or on a scale and it lets us know how we should feel. Sad, but true. I don't gauge my happiness on it, but I will celebrate my success! I remember the day I fit in a size 8 pant and I remember jumping around in the dressing room with a huge smile on my face. It was an amazing feeling, I was out of the double digit sizes. It felt good. Well, I went between an 8 and a 10 for what seemed like FOREVER! And by forever, I mean years. I tried to diet, exercise, tried low carb, restrictive eating, eating "good" during the week, not drinking, so many, many, many things. Nothing worked. I stayed the same. Well, after having two sets of coaches and finally finding a lifestyle that works for me- IIFYM has done it for me. I am so happy, I could scream. I love my coaches- www.ledbetterproject.com and I know this is a lifestyle for me. I went shopping over the weekend and I wanted to get A new pair of jean shorts, because all of mine are too big (not complaining- already donated them!). I grabbed a 7/8 and then thought "oh heck, try on a 5/6 for shits and giggles", so I did! And guess what? Those MF'ers FIT! I stared in the mirror in disbelief. The last time I wore that size I was probably a freshman or sophmore in HIGH SCHOOL! It has been forever. Commence the jumping up and down, smiling ear to ear, so excited! So, I bought two pairs! LOL! I couldn't help myself! It is not about the number. It is about the success, it is about the sweat and tears, the effort, the hard work. THAT is what is more important to me. SO, if you want to give up- don't. If you don't think it's possible- it is! If you feel like you can't do it- YOU CAN!

IIFYM so far....

I started with the LEDBetter group on March 15. I got a ton of information to read on that Friday night. The book, examples, food list, and everything else they include with their "welcome packet" is amazing. It is a lot to read, but I learned a lot. On Saturday, my amazing coach contacted me and gave me my macros plan and training plan for the first 3 months. I officially started on Sunday. I counted everything I put in my mouth and I did my first leg day. I have been consistent with it for a little over 2 weeks now. So far: 

FOOD- I have ate a LOT! I am able to eat anything I want, as long as it fits in my daily macros allotment. I know there are a lot of misconceptions out there about IIFYM and how much junk people eat. I used to look at those bowls of peanut butter, ice cream, and chocolate on IG and think- WTF?! Now I understand. You can have things, all things, IN MODERATION PEOPLE. I cannot sit around and eat pop tarts and junk food all day and meet my protein, carb, and fat intake. But I can occasionally have a pop tart in my diet, because it will count towards my carbs for the day. It is all about balance. I eat a TON of healthy foods and a few less healthy things, but I am not blowing up yet! LOL! The great thing is that if I know I am going to have a certain thing for dinner or go out on the weekend to eat, I can plan my day around that and actually not feel GUILTY, because I am still giving my body what it needs to function and work properly. I am no expert on this by no means. I started counting my macros a few weeks ago, on my own. I went to www.iifym.com and got a macros count for myself through that website. It is not the same thing as what was provided to me by my coach, so I highly recommend getting a professional to help you. Macros are so specific to the person and depend on so many factors: how much you weigh, your job and lifestyle, activity level, body type, etc. My coaches are with www.ledbetterproject.com. I am only on week3 and I feel confident I made the right choice chosing them for this new lifestyle change journey I am taking. You get a whole team of people to support you and guide you in not only making the changes, but learning how to incoporate the IIFYM lifestyle yourself FOREVER. That's what I love about them. They are teaching me, not just coaching me. 

WORKOUTS- My trainer, Brooke, is great. The workouts are hard, but I know they are doing what they are supposed to. I have been SO SORE! I do a combination of weight training, HIIT cardio, and TRX. I love the burn. I love being sore. I love working hard. I love that I don't have to do fasted cardio. I love that there is so much variety in my workouts. I love that they are personalized to ME and not everyone else is doing the same workouts I am. The best part about it all-- my alarm does not go off at 4:30 for fasted cardio. I do not have to do cardio 2 x a day. In fact, I do HIIT 2 x a week and the other 3 days I only do 20 minutes of cardio in intervals. I am not a huge cardio fan, although I do occasionally love a good run. So, it's true:

 Progress: At the end of my previous program I was fluctuating between 156-158 and mostly staying at 158 toward the end. After ending that plan and also enjoying spring break and probably indulging too much, I weighed in at 160. After 2 weeks on the plan, I am down 2 lbs and weighed in at 158 this morning. Progress is progress, no matter how small. I can definitely see a difference in my clothes. They are falling off. I will have to shop soon. I know, what a shame. LOL! The greatest part about this is that I eat WHAT I WANT. I do not feel deprived AT ALL! I can have a cheeseburger, ice cream, whatever I want, in moderation. I am not eating tilapia and green veggies only. I can fit whatever I want into my macros and I feel my diet is much more balanced now. I feel happier, less stressed and so much bettter about this plan. I love the people on the team. I interact with them via facebook, IG, and with my coach on a weekly basis. They are helpful, encouraging, and realistic. I already know I will more than likely sign up to continue with them after my 3 months is over. That's how amazing this lifestyle is. Check them out. Look at some of Layne Norton's videos at biolayne.com I am a believer and I know it works. There is a way to lose weight and not feel like you hate your diet or that you are even ON a diet. There is a way to manage your food to fit what you need and what you want. This is the lifestyle change I have been looking for! :)

If you have any questions, email me at msenseney05@aol.com and I will answer the best I can. I am no expert but I am learning! 

The choice to LEDBetter

As I stated in my last post- I had to make a tough decision to make recently. After 12 weeks with my coach, I decided not to sign up again for that program. I would love to think that I could eat "clean" for the rest of my life, but that is just not realistic for me. I am a social person. I LOVE to go out to eat, love an occasional drink, and love to be out and about enjoying life. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. I decided to do some serious research and find a new coach that could help me find a true LIFESTYLE change. I don't want to call it a diet. I don't want there to be an end to it. I want to find something that I can do to balance out my life FOREVER. I want to be FIT. I want to WORKOUT. I want to be HEALTHY. I want to LIVE. After interviewing probably 12 different coaches all over the United States, I have decided to go with the LED Better Project. Check them out at www.ledbetterproject.com I asked so many questions and got a quick response from Jessi Jean, one of the 3 or 4 or 5 people I will be working with. That's right- I will have a TEAM, not just one coach. I am beyond excited. Their mission is to help everyone learn to Live Every Day Better- to take steps every day to make improvements with your body, mind, and soul. I am so excited. I will get my plan on March 15 and start right away! I will be using the IIFYM method. I have done a lot of research on it and also watched a bazillion videos from Layne Norton at www.biolayne.com . He is amazing and has a wealth of knowledge to share. The group at LEDBetter follows his philosophy. Basically IIFYM takes into consideration many things including your weight, height, body composition, activity level, etc and then a plan is created that will tell you how many grams of carbs, proteins, and fats to eat every day. I think Jessi Jean caught my attention when she said skinny cow ice cream and POP TARTS! Lol there is this big misconception that people on IIFYM sit around and eat pop tarts all day, which is so not true. BUT if I want one, I can have it and not feel a thousand pounds of guilt about it. I can pretty much eat what I want as long as it fits my macros. Does that mean I am going to dive off the deep end? No! I know I need healthy, nutrient rich foods in my body. I know I can't get all those nutrients from totally unhealthy foods. It's all about balance people. I actually went to IIFYM.com and got my macros to get started getting used to counting everything again. Are they totally accurate? Probably not because they don't have pictures of me, they didn't send me a questionnaire (which Ledbetter did and they asked me everything so they could get to know me), and it's just a rough estimate. I have been doing it for a little over a week. I went to round 2 of Mardi Gras, I ate, drank, counted my macros all week, celebrated my best friends birthday and didn't feel guilty and guess what?? I didn't lose a pound but I didn't gain one either! I have maintained the same weight since I got back from New Orleans. I am so excited to see what the plan is and there will be much more to come as I learn :) cheers to a better life every day! 

Learning, growing, changing.....

I cannot believe it has been another month since I have had the chance to write a blog post! I have been on my 12 week plan and working hard. That has included getting up at 4:30 to do fasted cardio, weight training 4-5 days a week, and then sometimes cardio after. It also involves a lot of meal prep. I have been a busy girl.

I have had great results. I lost another inch and lost another 3 lbs since my last post. So, the total is 13 inches and 11 pounds. I am truly thankful I came across Wendy and Cyber Body Shop and went on this journey to start my weight loss and get my mind right again. I have learned a lot! I know how to incoporate protein into my diet now, I know that I don't have to let food control me, I don't need to drink every weekend and sometimes not at all (this is a HUGE change for me!), I can lift weights, I CAN get up in the morning and workout- it IS possible, and I know that a lifestyle change is something I want to continue with. *more below* 

There was only one time on my 12 week plan that I knew I was not going to be able to stick to my meal plan and training. That time was last weekend. I take a trip every year with friends to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. It is an absolute blast. We have so much fun! I knew I was going to want to indulge in the foods I love there and I knew I would drink- JESTERS ARE THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD! LOL! So, I got up Thursday morning and did an hour of cardio and that night we headed to NOLA. I didn't pack my workout clothes, I didn't pack any food, I fully planned to enjoy myself and I did. I ate what I wanted, I drank what I wanted and I didn't hit the gym once. I got all my cravings out of the way. Every bite and every moment was worth it. I think I enjoyed it more, because I knew it wasn't an everyday thing and I knew that I would come home and get back to my new normal routine. There are times in life when you realize that life is too short to stress and I didn't stress about it- I just enjoyed it! :) I planned to workout when I got home Sunday, but I was so tired and just rested. Monday morning I got up and got back to it. I went back to my normal foods and workout routine without a thought. I weighed in at 166 and I FREAKED OUT but just for a moment. I knew it would go away. And you know what? It DID! I weighed in this morning at 158- so 1 lb gain for ALL that I ate- I'll take it! And that 1 lb will be GONE very very soon. So, don't let worrying over weight gain ruin a vacation or time with friends and family- we all have to live! Life really is too short! :) 

So, when I got back I was also faced with decisions. My 12 weeks is coming to an end and I had to decide if I was going to continue on the same plan or if I was going to take a break, venture on my own, choose something else... it is a big decision because it is an investment of time and money. I paid $750 for my 12 week program. I learned a lot and while I am happy with my progress, I started thinking about doing it again for another 12 weeks. I started thinking about fasted cardio at 4:30 a.m., eating fish and chicken and vegetables, spending money on supplements, missing out on things because I am afraid to go out to eat because they may put butter on my food or seasoning that will bloat me, staying home all the time, secluding myself from the world... and I just cried thinking about it. I want to lead a healthy life, I want to work hard and push myself, I want to eat better, I want to make better choices, but I don't want life to pass me by while doing it. Don't get me wrong, I am in control and I could have done whatever I wanted in those 12 weeks, but I wanted to give it my all. I wanted to try to do my best and that meant taking food with me or staying home. That meant 4:30 a.m. alarms. That meant saying no to going places. I was never forced to do that, I decided to. The bottom line is I can't do that anymore. I can't continue on that path. I can't eat the same things over and over again. I am just not wired that way. I have done my research on different programs, different ways of life, coaches.. I have e-mailed, I have asked a lot of questions, I have taken time to reflect on what I want to do. Throughout the process I went through, I learned a lot but I still have a lot to learn. I have decided not to re-sign with my current coach. The program is great for some people, but not me. If I was going to compete, I would call them back up for sure, because they do a great job. For what I am looking for, I need something different. I have decided to go the IIFYM route. I will try and write a more detailed post really soon on what that means and who I will be working with. I am excited. I am ready to start a new challenge. More importantly, I am excited to be able to sleep in the mornings, not wear myself thin, learn more, go out to eat, get to live a little better, eat whatever I want if it fits my macros, make good choices, see my body change and embark on a new journey. The bottom line is that you have to try things, experience it, there will be trial and error, you will fail.. you will discover along the way what will work for you and what won't. I don't think we ever truly FAIL, as long as you keep trying. I may try this for 3 months and it might not be for me, but I do know that I am trying. I am one step closer to finding that lifestyle change that is for me. If I can do it, you can. It will take time, money, effort, tears, and sweat, but it WILL be worth it!

Bad weather day and off work= time to write!

I am not even going to sugarcoat it- I have been TIRED! Training takes a lot of energy and I am exhausted most days!

Here is what has been happening lately:

• I am still sticking to my eating plan that my coach originally put me on. Lots of protein, complex carbs, green vegetables, no carbs after lunch. I eat a LOT though!
• About a week and a half ago, she added 15 minutes of cardio to my fasted morning cardio, so I am up at 4:50 A.M. and doing cardio for 45 minutes! (YAWN!) It really does give me energy for the day :) I do this 5 days a week, 4 days of weight training in the afternoons, and cardio on Saturday! Sunday is a rest day for me. This Sunday I had so much energy that I couldn't help getting in a little workout. I think days after cheat meals I have MORE ENERGY than EVER!
• I get one cheat meal a week! WOO FREAKIN HOO! LOL! My first one was sushi (Rainbow roll) and this past weekend I was really craving a salad with chicken, wanted cheese and REAL dressing ( I am only allowed Balsamic vinegar, not vinaigrette or Walden Farms 0 calorie stuff)- so that's what I had. (weak, I know but the more you eat healthy the more you CRAVE healthy!)
• I am still seeing changes in my body (more info below) but there are still days that I want to throw the damn scale out the window. I just continue to trust the process and keep telling myself if it was easy everyone would be fit!

I am happy with the way things are going. I am not perfect. Every once in a while I HAVE TO HAVE  spoon of peanut butter or a handful of raisins, just to keep me sane. I don't do it often. I find myself making healthier choices every day. I find myself happier with eating, feeling SO MUCH BETTER, and just in a better mood in general. The fit lifestyle is definitely something I LOVE. It has finally happened- I am making this a lifestyle change! Someone asked me yesterday- so how long are you going to do this diet thing? First, I had to explain that I was changing my lifestyle, NOT dieting. Then, I said I will probably always do this. I won't do it the extreme that I am now and when I get to a point that I feel REALLY satisfied with my progress, I will allow myself a little room to breathe. BUT I am going to find healthy alternatives to things I used to love. I will not go back to eating unhealthy things, eating out all the time, drinking every weekend,etc. That is just not me anymore. For example, I made "pancakes" with things that I can have on my plan this week and they were amazing. A healthy version. Try them: 4 egg whites, 1/2 cup oatmeal ground to flour consistency (I used my little smoothie blender and it worked great!), you can add cinnamon and I added some of the sweet drops I have. Brown in a pan. I top with cinnamon. I also take a cup of frozen strawberries and heat them up in the microwave and pour on top. (that is my syrup!). They are SO GOOD and not at all bad for you. When I get back to normal eating, that is my plan- to find healthier ways to make the things I enjoy!

So, here is my progress so far, 6 weeks in:

Down 8 lbs ( I thought it would be more by now but I worked HARD for those 8 lbs and I am in the 150s now- something I haven't seen in YEARS!)

Measurements:
Beginning:
L arm: 12 1/2
R arm: 12
Bust 40 1/2
Waist: 34
Hips: 37
R leg (I measure 6 inches up and 10 inches up) 22 and 24
L leg: 21 1/2 and 23 1/2

Now:
L arm: 12 (-1/2)
R arm: 12
Bust: 38 (-2 1/2)
Waist: 31 (-3)
Hips: 35 (-2)
R leg: 20 and 23 (-2 and -1)
L leg: 21 and 23 (-1/2 and -1/2)

That's 12 inches LOST total! I can definitely tell in my clothes! My pants are falling off. Everything is loose and I can't wait to get to a point where I can shop for new stuff.

For now, I am just going to keep on going. I know there are great things ahead!

Things aren't going to happen overnight...

 

Mama L posted something on IG about trusting the process. I wish I could fist bump her and say TRUE DAT! LOL! It's the truth. I think when we all start something, we think we are going to eat one good meal and exercise for 2 days and be where we want to be. It doesn't happen like that. It takes hard work, dedication, sweat, and sometimes tears. It's not always fun and it sure isn't easy. It's hard! It will make you tired. It will take time from other things you might like to do. You might sleep less. You have to prepare more. You may feel like you spend your life in workout clothes. You have to learn to say no to that cake or drink. Your friends and family will either support you or criticize you. The journey is a crazy one. I have written so many posts trying to motivate myself and you, of course! This time it is different. This time it has "clicked" for me. I have been at this process for a little over a month. I have lost inches ( I know over 8", but I haven't measured lately so I will do that again Friday), lost 7 lbs (3 more and I get my leopard Nikes-talk about motivation). It is about so much more than that though! It is about how you feel. It is about loving yourself. It's about knowing you deserve more. It is about sticking to something you said you would. It is about being stronger. It is about fueling your body. It is about being proud.

 

Last night I was doing my regular training (per my coach Wendy's instructions) and for some reason my eye lingered on the treadmill a lot longer. I missed running. For those of you who don't know- I used to be a regular runner. I ran at least 3-4 times a week. I did C25K. I trained and ran 6 miles. I worked hard. It took me a long time (like a year) to get my "stride". I haven't run in over a month. It's not part of my plan. I could do it for morning cardio, but my treadmill is not at my house, it's at my parents so that isn't happening. 5 am is early and I am not going over there for that, sorry. So, it's been a while. I thought I had surely lost everything I had built up. No way I was going to be able to run. Guess what? I was WRONG! I got on that treadmill and something happened. I felt good! I felt strong! I felt relieved, happy, and motivated. I ran for 30 minutes without a struggle. It was amazing and not just physically. Emotionally, I feel like every sad moment, struggle, upset and worry over the past month came out. I knew why I was doing this. All the hard work was worth it. It was my epiphany. It's only the beginning of the journey, but this time I will not give up. I CAN DO THIS.  I will do it! You can too! :)

This was my feeling:

The emotional part of this journey...

This week I had a "meltdown". I woke up and got on the scale and didn't see a number that made me happy. I was walking around the house saying "oh yea, this plan is really going to work", "what was I thinking???", "what did I sign up for?". The weeks of saying no to foods I want and only eating to fuel my body finally piled up. I let that number define me and determine how my day was going to be. I let it gauge my progress. I e-mailed my coach and told her how sad I was that the scale was not moving. My coach is awesome- Wendy from www.cyberbodyshop.com . She is always there via text or e-mail when I need her. She is supportive, yet realistic. I got an e-mail back from her and she was "real" with me. She reminded me that this is a journey and it takes time- it is about more than a number on a scale- it's about changing my life. She reiterated to me that I need to focus on the changes I make and not every day progress. At first, I was kinda hurt that I didn't get more sympathy or whatever it was I was looking for. BUT as the week went on, I realized she was right. I have struggled for so long with "diets" and working to see the end of whatever healthy eating I put in place. That has not helped me be successful. It really is a lifestyle change and not just a short-term plan. Am I going to eat the way I am right now forever? Probably not. Am I ever going to eat another cheeseburger again. Probably. BUT I am learning that my eating is going to have to consist of way more clean eating than anything else to get to and maintain this lifestyle. I feel better. I have more energy. I sleep better. I know I am making changes that will hopefully prevent me from having heart disease and all the other medical problems that run in my family. I AM WORTH IT. It is more important to me to make this big change that to continue to struggle with "diets" and feel self-conscious, worried, stressed, and be unhappy. I do have to explain to all my friends and family that I am making lifestyle changes. I do get the "what?!" and stares, they can't believe I won't have a drink or go out to eat... it's uncomfortable at times, it's not always fun, and it can sometimes be very frustrating. I read on this girl's IG that you will lose people in your life when you make these drastic changes and she was right. It will change your life, but it is so worth it! I have finally reached my breaking point- when will you reach yours? You won't regret taking control and making lifestyle changes! :)